Life Lately

I’m sure a lot of you have caught on to the fact that I haven’t posted any pictures or even talked about my relationship or wedding with Mitch over the past month. Actually, what you’ve been seeing is a wishful attempt to cover up an incredible amount of pain with new adventures. Whether it’s an attempt to distract myself from disappointment or a way to try and focus on the bright side, I knew I eventually had to come out and be honest with you guys. I run a public platform where I want to be as transparent as I can – not because I want you to know every detail of my life, but because I believe in the power of sharing and connecting with women over the real things going on in our lives – the struggles, failures, disappointments, and not so photogenic moments.

Mitch and I recently decided to go our separate ways and end the engagement. I know this will be a shock to a lot of people, but when it first happened I was probably the most shocked out of everyone. Those words are still hard for me to write, but how could they not be after two long years of fighting against the odds and trying to make things work? As much as I wish I could just cover up the pain and heartbreak and move on, something continues to push me to share what I’m going through with hopes of reaching those of you dealing with a similar type of pain. Writing this isn’t easy for me, I’ve been avoiding this post for a while. For one thing – I still have hundreds of unanswered questions myself, but also because I’m still grieving the loss of someone I used to call my best friend. Accepting the reality that something I was so sure of might not have been all I thought it was has been a tough pill to swallow.

I don’t want to go to into too much detail because that’s not what this is about. We had obstacles we thought we could overcome but in the end they proved to be too much and our end goals weren’t quite matching up anymore. And honestly we are both just in very different places in our lives, which caused a disconnect.

The one piece of advice I want to give that I’ve taken away from all of this, is just because you’ve invested a lot time and effort in something doesn’t mean that should be your reason to stay. Yes, you should always try to focus on the good in any relationship, but at some point you have to be honest with yourself and draw the line between comfort and true happiness. If you try too hard to force the pieces that don’t fit, you’ll end up making decisions for the wrong reasons and dragging something out much longer than it should last. Your time is way too precious to be spent on someone or something that isn’t right for you. Don’t ignore the red flags and always be sure to listen to the people who truly love you, sometimes love can be so blinding. I now realize there were a lot of red flags in Mitch’s and mine relationship. There’s no denying we were so in love with each other, not many couples would go through the obstacles we had to go through in order to try to make things work.

Obviously we all love being in a relationship and being in love. It gives us a sense of security and purpose. But sometimes you have to take a step back and think about the big picture. Ask yourself if your relationship is making you a better person and allowing you to be exactly who you are while being a part of the other person’s life as well. As you guys know, in the early stages of our relationship I made the somewhat crazy/somewhat emotional decision to quit my job, leave my hometown, to move out to New Orleans knowing no one but Mitch once we got engaged to begin the crazy lifestyle we lived. I don’t regret the decision because I learned a ton about myself, lived in a great city, made some wonderful friends, became so independent, and moving out there is actually what got me to start my blog. 

However, removing myself from the culture, friends, family, and life that made me who I was and being immersed in an entirely different lifestyle caused me to feel a little lost and out of place. Over time I noticed I started to lose pieces of who I really was and I lost confidence in myself. When you make a huge sacrifice like that for a relationship it adds pressure to the situation and causes you to ignore red flags that you probably wouldn’t usually just brush off, especially if things are starting to look unsafe for you. Ladies – know your value and worth always and don’t let any man, or human, take that from you!

Every experience you go through – however great or painful – is strengthening and teaching us how to deal with the next thing life throws your way. I think the most admirable women are the ones who have been through the hard things and still pull it together regardless of how bad it tore them apart. I haven’t been dealt the best cards in the last few years. I know that this is only going to make me a stronger woman, and more sure of what I want in a future husband one day. You live, you learn, and you teach the next girl/daughter/sister/friend in your life that she’s gonna get through it just like you did. And be so much stronger when it’s all over. 

We go through hard things and disappointments but there’s always joy and new beginnings around the corner. I moved back home to Chicago with my mom to focus more on myself and figure out where I want to take my life from here. I’m going to continue to push myself to reach new and exciting things with my blog this year, focus on being my own person outside of a relationship, and figure out exactly who I am and what I want because I lost that the last two years.

My family and friends have been my rock this last month! Yes, it’s embarrassing to call off a wedding 50 days out, it’s not fun to move home when 2 years ago you said you would never move back. But God has a different plan for me and I am trying to stay positive of what that plan is going to be!

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