Swipe left, swipe right, and repeat. Girl, don’t get me started on the wild world of dating apps. With the constant swiping, failed talking stages, and ghosting, it can be hard to find any hope that you may find someone someday. Trust me, I get it.
Being on dating apps and trying to find a real relationship can get frustrating when you go on yet another bad date or the person you were talking to suddenly goes poof. I always tell my friends that I’ve been on so many bad dates, I could write an entire book about it, I might be onto something. Check out my biggest hinge dating fails here!
Dating apps are really one of the only ways to meet someone in a pandemic world. Yes I may run into my future husband at Trader Joe’s or Target, but I am not counting on that. Being stuck in a “dating rut” is definitely not fun, trust me I’ve been there. If you’re starting to feel like you’ve been on too many countless first dates that don’t go anywhere, you’re not alone.
I wanted to put together my guide to dating apps. What to include on your profile, red flags, green flags, first date tips. Take this all with a grain of salt however, since I am still out here trying to find my Prince Charming, and kissing way too many frogs on my journey. And if I have gone on a date with you, or matched on a dating app – hello again, please don’t make this awkward with me!
What To Include In Your Profile
Pick the right photos
Make sure your first photo is the best photo of you. It’s best to choose a close-up photo of your face with no other people. Nothing is worse than when a profile pops up, and you have to scroll around to figure out which one is them.
Your body isn’t something to hide, and only including photos from the neck up makes it seem like you’re uncomfortable with yourself. Make sure one of your photos shows your whole body, whether it’s you with friends, or even a simple mirror selfie.
Your photos don’t need to be a bunch of glamour shots of you. Vary them by showing your hobbies and interests. My rule of thumb is to include photos that show your personality. As much as we all hate to admit it, people are looking at your photos first.
Fill out your bio completely
As much of a chore as it may seem, it really is worth it! Your bio is an essential place to talk about yourself, what you’re looking for, what you like, what you do, and why you’re on an app to begin with. Show off your personality and be a little creative.
Avoid cliches. We know everyone loves The Office and and dogs, but that doesn’t make me want to swipe on a person. Talk about things that you’re passionate about and feel unique to you. On that note, don’t be too serious, dating is supposed to be fun.
Choose the right prompts
If you’re on Hinge or Bumble make use of the prompts the app already sets up for you. These are a great and easy way to get to know someone before you swipe, and they make starting a conversation a lot easier. When possible, opt for the prompts that are a little more open-ended and allow the other person to easily respond. If you don’t have good prompts, then it makes it harder for someone to start a conversation with you.
Dating App Etiquette
Don’t be afraid to talk first
If you are on Bumble, then yes if you are female you are the one starting the conversation. But despite the myth that women shouldn’t talk first on dating apps I actually disagree. Now I am all for men making the first move, being the gentleman, but sometimes men need a little push. This is also another way to showcase your personality with a killer opener! Do not, I repeat, do not message them “Hey _____, Happy (insert day of the week)!”. Come up with a fun question to ask them or respond to one of their prompts.
Be upfront with what you are looking for
One of my favorite features on Bumble is that you can put what you are looking for. Whether that is a “relationship, “something casual”, or “I don’t know yet”, it gives you a clearer understanding of where that person is at. I personally do not swipe on anyone who’s profile says “something casual”, it would be a waste of both of our times (no matter how cute I think they are). If you are using Hinge, don’t be scared to be upfront with what you are looking for. If they don’t align then move onto the next because you are a busy woman and don’t need to be wasting your time.
Snapchat vs. Number
I personally do not give out my snapchat on dating apps. I consider it a red flag when a man asks for my snapchat actually. For me it shows immaturity. I won’t discount them right away, I will simply respond “I will give you my phone number if that’s cool instead.” His response will show you a lot about him. Trust your gut. Most times men do not care that I don’t give out my snapchat. I also only give out my phone number if plans have been discussed or if I am really vibing with the person. Trust me I don’t need a million random numbers in my phone from men where things aren’t going anywhere.
Go on first dates
You’d be so surprised of the amount of girls that reach out to me about how they are nervous to go on first dates. That is the point of dating apps – to meet people! I have a very clear mindset of when going on a first date and I actually think they are fun!
It’s important to remember that a first date is only a first date. You will probably go on lots of them, and you should. You don’t have to make a decision about anyone there and then, and you’re not expected to make someone fall in love with you within a couple of hours and after one too many cocktails.
People on dating apps seem to fall into one of two categories: either they ask you for a drink after a few messages, or they will talk for weeks without any mention of a meet-up. 9/10 times I will wait for the guy to initiate a first date. I think it is a way for them to show they are putting in effort.
Britt’s First Date Tips
Here are a few tips/guidelines I keep myself accountable on first dates.
My favorite kinds of first date are casual drinks at a bar/brewery. It is usually casual vibes and a low-key environment. There is no pressure about choosing a food this won’t make you look super weird eating, an easy escape route if you really need it, and it is a public place. I think a fun activity is great for the second date, but a first date is meant to get to know someone and actually meet in person.
I accept zero dates that are not in a public place where I feel safe. If a man invites you over to his house to watch movies, that is not a first date in my eyes and I kindly decline.
Don’t be afraid to stalk them on the internet. Now I am saying no need to find their house on Zillow, but a casual instagram search, or even better LinkedIn search will do the trick. You just want to cover all of your bases. Plus always trust your judgement and gut. If you feel uncomfortable, then no one is making you go.
What to wear? I have strong feelings about what to wear on a first date, depending what the activity is. My best word of advice is to go with something you feel confident and beautiful in. I don’t recommend pulling out *that outfit, we all know what one we are talking about until the 3rd date. I always strive to be more cute/pretty than hot/sexy on a first date. My go to is my best fitting jeans, a cute sweater and booties. In the summertime it is always a sundress or jeans and a cute top.
Drive yourself, and show up 4 minutes late. This is just a safety thing in my book. My first time meeting someone I like to meet in public. Just in case things don’t work out, or something happens I like knowing that I can drive myself home, and they don’t know where I live. Now if you know me, I am always early to EVERYTHING. I am even early to dates, I usually park and wait a few minutes. I think it shows effort/chivalry if the guy gets their first. He can grab a table, spot, or anything. That way you can make your grand entrance and he can get a good look at you!
Have fun and be yourself! The whole point of dating is to meet people, or specifically your person. One of the biggest things I look for in a person is if I am able to have fun. I know everyone gets the first date jitters. But after 5 minutes it usually isn’t awkward, and should be fun if it is the right person! Laugh, joke, and be yourself. Read that again: be yourself. How can you expect someone to get to know you if you aren’t yourself?
Kissing on the first date? This is something I don’t have a cookie cutter answer too. If you are feeling it and comfortable, then be my guest. I have definitely kissed on the first date. But I have also not kissed on the first date. I have even denied a kiss on a first date. What really matters is how you are feeling about the person. I do always go for a hug though to avoid all awkward goodbye’s.
What are your first date tips and rules for dating apps!?! I would LOVE to know!
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